Monday, August 28, 2006

Sheesh! Thanks a lot, Marty!”

Blog #30 by Marc B. Lee,
Master of Ceremonies, ST40

I’ve read many wonderful passages in these blogs and have come to a conclusion—it’s time to lighten this sucker up! Appreciation is nice. Worship is treasured…but I have a beef to share with you all and it begins like this:

Reach in your purse, grab your hip or dig into your pockets and you’ll probably find a small communication device which has now become a necessity more so than a luxury. Those in attendance at the Science Fiction Museum on the weekend of September 8th will know who was initially responsible for those rude ring tones, those loud cell phone speakers and those damn text screen terminologies. Oh, he may not be directly responsible for the advances to cell phone technology, but he’ll be the closest dude in the neighborhood for my rants.

You’ll listen to the great Martin Cooper and wonder to yourself, “Should I go up and shake this guy’s hand or punch his lights out?” LOL! Of course you’ll choose the first choice for the sole reason that this is a guy to be honored, to be thanked and to be asked one simple question: Why? Why did you do it Marty? Why?

I drive in traffic and I look over to my right to see that soccer mom trying to make a left turn across the front of my hood because the guy attached to the speaker in her ear which is attached the woman who is attached to her steering wheel decided she needs to get into MY lane and she has decided RIGHT NOW would be a perfect time to piss me off!! Thanks a lot, Marty!

I go to the movies, there to enjoy a nice quiet theater experience when I see a simulated trailer of two Asian guys fighting on water. They stop their battle only to respond to what seems to be a cell phone ringing out of nowhere. Finally words blast on the screen for the audience to do a simple procedure in respect to the patrons around them. Just when you think all 500 persons in the theater gets the message and abides by natural etiquette, GUESS WHAT?! Thanks a lot, Marty!!! Can’t wait to meet’cha!

I’m shopping in Wal-Mart—yeah you heard me, Wal-Mart—and I’m looking for that nice reduced price on kitchen utensils when I eye a cute damsel needing a little help reaching for an item. I quickly spring into action when her cell phone goes off. I saw her as a wonderful person I may eventually want to get know until she answers the phone and speaks as if she was announcing the players of the Miami Dolphins as they entered the stadium. I could have sworn I heard her say “Can you hear me now?” too. Right on, Marty!

Mr. Martin Cooper, through his vision of what I assumed he ultimately saw in Jim Kirk’s hand, felt it necessary to volunteer his brilliant mind, his wonderful imagination, in the pursuit of happiness for the people of Earth. Mr. Martin Cooper shared with us a device we admittedly cannot do without, and has decided to come to Seattle to tell us all about it. I look forward to Mr. Cooper’s visit for I have a lot of wonderful questions and unrestrained anger to share with him. I’m sure I am not the first person with the need of sharing their thoughts to ol’ Marty and I suspect his training with a Tibetan monk in the art of self-defense, or maybe his skill with firearms and kitchen cutlery has brought him a new appreciation for the art of communication he is so responsible for. I’m sure I don’t stand a chance against Martin Cooper. He’ll only grab me by the short hairs, extend his forefinger and press my mute button. I’ll probably vibrate too.

Thanks for nothing, Martin Cooper…and thanks for everything. We look forward to chatting with you and listening to what will surely be wonderful stories that led you to a marvelous advancement in the field of personal communications. Thank you so much, Marty, but can you do me a small favor? Just a tiny one? Can you work on a cerebral communications implant next time so I can stop dodging soccer moms who feel I am occupying the same space they are about to? Please? Pretty please???

I’ll see you all in Seattle when a gathering of individuals, like-minded individuals, will come to a sort of Mecca, a place of appreciation in honor of a broadcast on American television that revised the scientific path of this world.

One week after the first day of next month, members of the intellectual community will gather to share with you their visions that eventually became realities, which ultimately instilled itself into the everyday fabric of America, and tell you what inspired them to do it. I’m sure their attendance at STAR TREK’s 40th Anniversary is for a very good reason…and oh, thanks a lot, Marty!

Blogs by Martin Cooper
  • Blog #4: “Wireless Enterprise—part 1” by Martin Cooper
  • Blog #5: “Wireless Enterprise—part 2” by Martin Cooper
  • Blog #6: “Wireless Enterprise—part 3” by Martin Cooper

    More by Marc B. Lee
  • Blog #13: “Fannish Dreams, Fannish Realities” by Marc B. Lee


    • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

      By Blogger Kristine M Smith, at 7:43 AM  

    • RIGHT ON YOURSELF KRIS!!! My butt laugheth off!

      Life without a cell phone. Can you imagine? Well obviously you did and executed it well! Good job!

      See ya real soon.


      By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:35 PM  

    • Kristine M Smith said...
      Amen, hallelujah and HA HA HA HA HA

      RIGHT ON, MARC LEE!!!!!

      Mr. Cooper, I still don't own a cell phone and refuse to carry one or a pager unless the employer adds a hefty $5K plus to the wage/salary/benefits package. (So far, none have considered me worth the extra $5K, so I am free to enjoy a life apart from work. Imagine that!)

      As much as I respect your invention, no, no, no, you can't even GIVE me one. I'm the last person on the planet who has shunned the device and has genuine, actual, real "down time," down time to convince myself that the world will not utterly disintegrate should I fail to answer my cell, pager, "communicator" (I am not a starship captain or the President of the U.S, you see, or even a soccer mom) ... and people know that when they talk to me they will not be put on hold while someone else "more important" calls in and interrupts us!

      It isn't you, Mr. Cooper. It's the abusers of your technology that utterly hiss me off. (Catty remark, as opposed to the usual urinary variety written by Mr. Lee in the foregoing. I am a lady, I am!)

      I may shake your hand with one hand and shake my fist with the other, but you are brilliant, and I'm sure that, just like the splitter of the atom, you too in weak moments have to admit that your technology has been twisted into something... scary!

      I miss the quiet, uninterrupted conversations we used to have in the days before Captain Kirk inspired you...

      Hey, here is plenty of fodder for another stand-up comedy routine! Kirk and Co on a planet getting all these conflicting, competing communicator messages while he's trying to battle a Gorn or rock and roll with his latest femme fatale! There you go!

      7:43 AM

      By Blogger Kristine M Smith, at 7:25 PM  

    • No, Marc Lee didn't write to me before I wrote to him. (As far as I know, he isn't psychic, no matter how otherwise amazing he is!) I just spotted an extra word in my original post ("atom bomb" where only "atom" should have been) and took it out...

      So read the comments in reverse order to understand what Marc was responding to... and all will be kosher again. Thanks!

      By Blogger Kristine M Smith, at 7:33 PM  

    Post a Comment

    << Home